Seven Steps: What Do They Mean?

Step 1 is for the married couple. They take this step together to promise that they will care for one another, including providing for one another and supporting one another. In a Hindu wedding, it is important to remember that this means caring for one another’s families, as well – whether that means taking in parents as they age or letting your spouse’s little sibling crash on the couch for the weekend.

Step 2 is a prayer for strength. The couple takes this step together to wish for mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual strength. Marriage is a long journey, and it requires commitment and hard work. This step is recognition of that fact and a promise to each other that the couple will work together to get through the hard times.

Step 3 is a promise that the couple will share their lives together, including by sharing their home and wealth with one another.

Step 4 signifies the couple’s plan to grow together in their knowledge, their hope for happiness in marriage and life, and their desire for a peaceful life together.

Step 5 is every parent’s dream: the couple takes this step together to promise their friends and family that they will care for children. This traditionally meant that the couple would birth and raise children of their own, but more modern interpretations expand the definition: this could mean that the couple plans to adopt or foster children, or simply promises to support children in their community through volunteer efforts.

Step 6 celebrates the happiness that will be in the couples’ lives together. With this step, they promise to spend time enjoying one another’s company.

Step 7 is the couple’s final step together. This step represents the couple’s friendship and love for one another; the couple promises to love one another for eternity, to remain friends through the good and the bad times, and to appreciate one another.

Including Your Dog In Your Indian Wedding

We’ve all seen the adorable photos of Fido trotting down the aisle wearing a doggie tuxedo and acting as ring bearer for his humans. And if you have a beloved pet of your own, the idea has probably crossed your mind at least once: should I incorporate Fluffy into our Indian wedding ceremony? We’re not here to make up your mind for you, but here are some things you might consider as you start the planning process.

(1) Agni. 

Hindu weddings require the presence of Agni, a deity who witnesses your wedding by serving as the fire at the center of it all. How does dear Rover do around an open flame? If your ball of fur whimpers and scampers away at the sight of a birthday candle, perhaps inviting that four-legged friend to participate in your nuptials isn’t the best idea.

(2) Dhol. 

Will your groom’s baraat include a dhol or loud music? Does your dog shy away from fireworks and loud parties? Perhaps this is not the time to require your beloved pet to brave the sound of drums and excited cheers from your family and friends, just so Spot can participate in your wedding.

(3) Mischief. 

Even if your dog is immune to loud noises and doesn’t flinch near flames, it’s worth taking a step back to consider whether your dog has a mischievous side that might interfere with their role in your wedding. Does Rufus enjoy snacking on jalebi and the other Indian treats that you’ll have on display in the back of the room? Is your ceremony outdoors near a body of water, perhaps one that is full of ducks or geese? Does your dog howl at every passing siren within a two mile radius?

(4) Alternatives. 

Even if Clifford isn’t the best suited to actually participate in your Indian wedding, that doesn’t mean he can’t be a part of your special weekend in some other way. You have a professional photographer booked for a few days, right? Have them snap some photos with your fur baby while you’re dressed up but before the crowds descend upon you to celebrate your happy occasion. Frame some nice family photos, including pictures of you and your pup, for a welcome table at your reception. Commission sugar cookies in your dog’s likeness as wedding favors for your guests. The sky is the limit!

What do you say, readers? Have you ever seen an Indian wedding that includes a dog as part of festivities? What worked? What didn’t? Do you have any other ideas for how to include a beloved pet in your Indian wedding without endangering the whole event? Drop us a note to let us know!

Mangalsutra

Mangalsutra literally means “holy thread,” and describes the marital necklace that a groom will fasten around his new wife’s neck as part of their wedding ceremony. This necklace is made with black beads and is worn only by married women. Mangalsutras may also include gold accents and/or red beads — customs differ by family and geographic region.

Married women traditionally wore their mangalsutra daily after their wedding to bring good luck and long life to their husbands. In modern times, it is less common for married women to wear these necklaces on a daily basis, but many Indian women will break out their special necklace for religious ceremonies and weddings. Because this is typically a very simple necklace, many women will wear the mangalsutra in addition to other jewelry, including additional necklace(s).

 

Indian Wedding Traditions: Bride

Indian weddings are a beautiful hodgepodge of traditions that vary according to geography, religious preference, and generation. Some Indian weddings will include many traditions, all carried out in Sanskrit, while others will be much more modern and delivered in English. There’s no “right” way to get married. Below are some traditions that are common for the bride to participate in during her Hindu wedding.

Most Common . . .

  • Mehndi – The bride and several female friends and family members gather to decorate their hands (and usually also the bride’s feet) with henna paste in floral and paisley designs. This occurs a day or two before the wedding ceremony.
  • Chuda – The bride’s maternal uncles place wedding bangles on her arms the morning of her wedding ceremony. Her family members shower her with gifts.
  • Haldi – The bride’s family applies turmeric paste to the bride’s skin a day or two before her wedding so her skin glows on her wedding day.
  • Kalire – Just after the chuda ceremony, the bride’s sisters or female cousins will tie bells to her chudas to complete her wedding outfit.
  • Red Lehenga or Sari – The bride will usually wear a red lehenga or sari on her wedding day, though many modern brides choose pink or maroon instead of traditional fire engine red.
  • Mangalsutra – During the ceremony, the groom will fasten a marital necklace, or mangalsutra, around his new wife’s neck. This is made with black beads and is worn only by married women.
  • Vidaii – At the end of the ceremony, the bride and groom leave the room while the bride’s parents walk behind them. The bride throws puffed rice behind her, over her head, while her mother and other female relatives try to catch the rice in their shawls. This is a solemn event which signifies the bride leaving her familial home and joining that of her new in-laws.

Less Common . . . 

  • Secrets and Wishes from Married Women – Some priests will allow special time at the conclusion of the wedding ceremony for the bride’s married female relatives to join her on the mandap and whisper secrets and well wishes into her ears. These are meant to be tips and tricks for how to have a long and happy marriage, but sometimes people throw some fun into the mix!
  • Toe Rings – In some South Indian weddings, we’ve seen a break in the ceremony for the bride’s brothers or male cousins to place toe rings on her toes. We’re not sure of the significance but think it’s such a lovely tradition that we had to include it here!

 

Did we miss any of your favorite bridal traditions during a Hindu wedding? Share your thoughts with us by visiting our contact page!

Antarpat

The antarpat is an opaque cloth, usually a dupatta or shawl, used as part of a Hindu wedding ceremony. Akin to the veil worn by a bride in a Western wedding ceremony, the antarpat is held between the bride and groom as the bride walks down the aisle, so neither the bride nor the groom can see each other during the processional.

As the bride approaches the groom, the people holding the antarpat will pivot so the bride and groom don’t catch a glimpse of one another. The bride and groom then stand on opposite sides of the antarpat as the priest begins the wedding, eagerly awaiting their first glimpse of one another on their wedding day. At the designated moment, the priest will ask for the antarpat to be lowered, and the bride and groom will see each other for the first time.

Who holds the antarpat? It depends. Most of the time we see male relatives of the bride and groom playing this role, probably because (1) it’s hard to hold the antarpat for the entire processional and (2) you need tall people to hold the antarpat at a level that blocks both the bride and groom from being able to see one another. If you have a brother or cousin you’d like to include in your wedding somehow, this is a nice way to honor them.

Like most things in Hindu weddings, this is an optional addition to the ceremony. It is more common in modern weddings as a way to inject some fun and drama into the occasion, especially as brides and grooms are less frequently covering their faces during the wedding ceremony and could therefore easily see one another without this handy screen.

Pantone Color of the Year: Greenery

Pantone’s color of the year for 2017 is “Greenery,” a shade of green so divine that we feel like becoming gardeners just to experience more of it. But the sad reality is that we don’t have green thumbs, and that means we need to turn to retail therapy to get our Greenery fix. Here are our favorite finds that will make your wedding a Greenery-inspired wonderland:

Green earrings are so sweet for your flower girl’s gift, or as a special treat for your bridesmaids.

This glamorous gold and green cuff would be a perfect accessory for your sangeet lehenga.

Do the men in your wedding party feel adventurous? Could you convince them to wear bow ties? Because This. Is. The. Best.

Who says your wedding shoes have to be gold or silver? We like the idea of mixing it up with some studded green sandals.

Scarves are always in style, and infinity scarves are particularly hot right now. These make a lovely gift for the women who attend your mehndi, and bonus: they’re totally affordable!

Bindis are always fun, whether for yourself or as gifts for the women in your life. These sweet green sparkles would liven up anyone’s look!

 

What’s your favorite way to inject Greenery into your wedding, readers?

Dinner Time

Your wedding involves more than just the ceremony where you stand in front of family, friends, and wedding crashers to assert your love for your life partner. It also includes a fair amount of dancing, drinking, and eating — before and after the ceremony, of course. Unless you’re planning a small courthouse affair, you’re probably planning a dinner to follow your Indian wedding.

Overwhelmed at the thought? No need to be! We’re here to help you weigh your options:

(1) Seated dinner or cocktail hour.

Most Indian weddings involve a seated dinner a few hours after the ceremony. That doesn’t mean you have to do it! Are you short on budget, or do you dread the idea of sitting on a stage for 2 hours while your guests watch you eat? Then you might consider hosting a less-formal “cocktail hour” with heavy snacks, drinks, and only a few tables scattered about your venue in lieu of the usual seated dinner.

With a cocktail hour, you also have some freedom to offer food options that wouldn’t usually be available at a traditional Indian meal — do you and your fiancee love shrimp and grits, or wachos (waffle-nachos)? Create a snack bar in the corner with fun toppings and let your guests go to town. We love the idea of using your meal time to inject some whimsy and personality into a very traditional event.

(2) Buffet or served meal.

Most Indian weddings involve buffet-style service, where guests are released table-by-table to fill their plates with delicious delicacies. If you’d like a more formal approach, opt for a served meal instead. You could take this to the nines by hiring white-gloved waiters for a formal dinner service, or just choose a few standard plated Indian meals to provide to your guests. Just remember to accommodate the vegetarians! Remember, if you go for a buffet, you should have signs at each chafing dish that note what is inside.

(3) Wet or dry.

Indian weddings are big, fun affairs, but they don’t always involve alcohol. We know how to party without the aid of liquid courage, after all. When planning your wedding, consider whether you’ll offer alcohol at each event. For example, you might have a dry sangeet but alcohol at your reception. Or you might offer beer and wine at the sangeet, but a full bar at the reception. Choose whatever is right for you and your budget.

(4) Sangeet dinner or cocktail hour.

Same as #1, but for your sangeet. Also consider your guest list: Do you treat this as a rehearsal dinner and invite only your closest friends, family, and members of the wedding party? Do you invite anyone who came from out of town?

This event could be smaller than your wedding reception or the same size — if you go smaller, it’s a good opportunity to cut costs and spend some more one-on-one time with your guests. But inviting the same guest list as your reception doesn’t mean that you have to spend an arm and a leg — you could treat this as a cocktail hour with heavy snacks and save some dough. Whatever you do, just be clear about what will be available food-wise for your guests — you want people to be able to grab a quick bite to eat beforehand if there isn’t going to be a true dinner available at your sangeet.

(5) Post-wedding lunch or snacks.

There’s nothing like an hour-long Hindu wedding ceremony to make your stomach start growling. Some ceremonies will have snacks and chai in the back of the room, with the understanding that guests can leave their seats mid-ceremony to nosh on some goodies. Other weddings won’t have any snacks at all, even pre- and post-ceremony. We’d recommend offering at least some snacks for your guests, especially if you’re hosting an event near lunchtime — steady blood sugar levels make for happy guests!

(6) Special menu for the kids.

Most venues won’t charge you for food for anyone under the age of 12, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t plan for food for those munchkins. Consider whether you want these kids to eat the daal and roti that you’re serving to everyone else, or if you’d like to order a few pizzas just for the little ones.

(7) Late night munchies.

After a full day (or multiple days) of an Indian wedding, and a ton of drinking and dancing, people appreciate the opportunity to nosh on something salty or sweet before they head home. Late night munchies are a relatively recent wedding trend that we totally embrace. Not only do they help ease day-after hangovers, they can also extend a party that might otherwise have died without the aid of carbohydrates and cheese.

You could go simple with some late night pizza, embrace the Indian theme and offer Haldiram’s, or offer up oodles of noodles if that your munchie of choice. If you’re planning your wedding in a town that has a legendary food truck or two, consider arranging for a late-night visit from your favorite food-on-wheels for your guests. Ask your wedding planner to help ensure that only wedding guests are partaking — a ticketing system works well, in our experience.

Hosting a candy bar as your late-night munchie? Don’t forget scoops for people to serve themselves!

Indian Wedding Gift Idea: Cookbooks

Most of us first-generation Indian American children of immigrants have fond memories of waking up to the smell of paranthas or dosa cooking in the kitchen, coming home to fresh rajma or sabudana, and finishing off big Indian meals with homemade Indian sweets. We went to school with ICM (Indian Chex Mix) in our lunchboxes instead of Little Debbie cakes. We want kichadi when we’re feeling sick. We know that “salad” can mean chopped cucumbers and tomatoes sprinkled with lime juice and chaat masala.

But guess what: Many of us never learned how to cook the food that our mothers and grandmothers made for us at home. Maybe it was a lack of interest, or lack of skill, or lack of invitation. Or maybe it was all of the above. But now that we’re grown up, living away from our parents, and thinking about raising a family of our own, we want to learn how to make Indian food. And we want to be GOOD at it.

Enter the Indian cookbook. These books are a good introduction to Indian cooking for the beginner Indian chef, or a nice consolidated recipe list for someone who has a range of dishes in their head but sometimes needs a refresher. Plus, the pictures are beautiful, and the sentiment behind the gift is heartfelt. Buy one or all for your Indian bestie getting hitched, or even for someone who isn’t Indian but loves to play around with spices in the kitchen.

Perfect for someone who wants a start-to-finish Indian cookbook, with one place to find all of their favorite recipes.

Indian food is not just a bunch of curries! This is a great option for someone looking to expand their cooking horizons.

Indian food is known for its robust flavor and spices. It takes time to develop those flavors, and that’s why so many of us rely upon slow cookers to make our Indian meals. This cookbook has a slew of recipes just for your slow cooker — perfect for your friend who works 80 hours a week but still wants to channel her inner Padma Lakshmi in the kitchen.

Simple and classic, just like your sorority sister who always has a pristine kitchen despite putting turmeric into basically everything.

Vegan. Need we say more?

Wedding Vows and the Indian Wedding

Indian wedding ceremonies are incredible. At their core, they are a collection of beautiful, long-held traditions and religious rituals intended to both sanctify the joining of two people in matrimony and to prepare and bless the couple for their future together. However, most modern Indian wedding ceremonies also find ways to showcase unique aspects of a couple’s tastes or relationship. With the right officiant, they can also combine and include elements of almost every faith tradition.

One part of Western/Christian weddings which have always intrigued us are the vows, particularly vows written by the couple. Now, Indian wedding ceremonies do have vows, in a way, but they are typically a standard set of Sanskrit chants that the couple is prompted by the officiant to say. Usually, the couples and their guests have little sense of what these “vows” actually mean. In most cases, the couple isn’t even sure if they are saying the right words!

We think it’s high time that Indian couples start including their own written vows, spoken in English (or any other language of choice), in their wedding ceremonies. After all the rituals and events and dancing, the whole point of a wedding is to commit two people to each other for life. Wouldn’t it be great if couples could make that commitment in their own words, and in a way that their family and friends and understand?

So we say, go for it! Work with your officiant to find an appropriate time and manner for exchanging your own vows. We think you and your guest will find it meaningful and memorable.

Now comes the hard part: writing the vows! Good luck!